Start blogging again. Even if no one reads it. I need to do it. I have internet in my apartment now. So that will help me have more time to release my thoughts into the vast world of wonderfulness that we call the Internet. But for now I shall sleep and leave you with one thing and one thing only. Listen to this song....it will change your life. It makes me miss Nooner. I don't know why but it seems like something that we would listen to.
Also...you can watch any season of 90210 online at -- http://www.blinkx.com/video/beverly-hills-90210-windstruck/H5tXwP_t6gw3Dk-e47nHaw. Think about that!
J
I don't get it either.
Mad Season. K-Stylee posted something about them on FB today and I haven't been able to stop listening to this darn song what is going on! I can't work today I'm on the ledge. I want to run off with a Spaniard named Javier and drink Sweet Tea Vodka whilst strolling the streets of Spain! No Joke. That is where I am at today.
I feel stupid - but I know it won't last for long
I've been guessing - and I coulda been guessin' wrong
You don't know me now
I kinda thought that you should somehow
Does that whole mad season got ya down?
Well I feel stupid, but it's something that comes and goes
I've been changin' - I think it's funny how no one knows
We don't talk about the little things that we do without
When that whole mad season comes around
So why you gotta stand there
Looking like the answer now?
It seems to me you'd come around
I need you now
Do you think you can cope?
You figured me out - that I'm lost and I'm hopeless
I'm bleeding and broken, though I've never spoken
I come undone in this mad season
I feel stupid, but I think I been catchin' on
I feel ugly, but I know I still turn you on
You've grown colder now, torn apart, angry, turned around
Will that whole mad season knock you down?
So are you gonna stand there
Are you gonna help me out?
We need to be together now
I need you now
Do you think you can cope?
You figured me out - that I'm lost and I'm hopeless
I'm bleeding and broken, though I've never spoken
I come undone in this mad season
And now I'm cryin'
Isn't that what you want?
And I'm tryin' to live my life on my own
But I won't, no,
At times I do believe I am strong
So someone tell me why, why, why
Do I, I, I feel stupid
And I come undone
And I come undone
I need you now
Do you think you can cope?
You figured me out - that I'm lost and I'm hopeless
I'm bleeding and broken though I've never spoken
Well I need you now
Do you think you can cope?
You figured me out - I'm a child and I'm hopeless
I'm bleeding and broken though I've never spoken
I come undone
I come undone in this mad season
In this mad season
It's been a mad season
Been a mad season
Where: The Slowdown.
What: The Second Live Blog.
Why: You know the fuck why.
Consuming: 9 to 5 Bullyvard, Hoober, "Captain my boyfriend, I'm a little offended you don't know that" after I asked her. Mober Stella Artois, she pronounced in wrong. JayB, whiskey and diet and a lime.
5:31 pm.
Live blog begins 9 to 5 walks over with Beer. Jay Birds dreams are crushed because Mighty Arrow is out of season.
9 to 5 says, "I'm so hot I could give birth. I'm like one of those hot uncomfortable woman in bed.I'm about ready to pass out from sweat, I'm not sweating anywhere else but my head. I'm ready for a shot whenever and I'm ready for a cigarette whenever. Holy Shit. Beer just makes me even hotter. OMG I wish I had a frozen daquri machine. I could hydrate Africa with my sweat."
Welcome Hoobie and Mober!
5:37 pm.
Hoob, Mob and 9/5 head out for a cigarette. I sit alone listening to the tunes. We just played our Michael Jackson tribute song by Justice. 9/5's favorite lyric is, "neither black or white" I feel so alone. I'm considering going to get a game to entertain myself. The table next to me is full of douche-pants. They are discussing, "Rock Stars" and their, "ink" the guy is discussing how he wore leather pants to a show and a shirt that said, FTW, fuck the world. He claims that after he gave the bouncer shit at the, "rock show" he rercently attended he was thought to be part of the band. He then slammed a beer, "And no one bought me drinks the rest of the night. They thought I was part of the band." It was that cool!
The table on the other side are currently taking artistic photos of each other. Oh yeah!
5:48pm
9 to 5 here -- apparently our musical choices were not cool enough for the SD. We are offended and upset but we shall survive. J and Mober went to AA to look at shirts and try to get at hipster as possible. It just got very loud in here -- why is it so f'n hot in the sd. there was a breeze of a lifetime outside - it was so nice! Hoobie's cousin just walked in looking daper...almost too daper. I wish it was okay to be naked in public places -- or just wear cool rags. I will now hand it over to Hoooooooobie!
5:52pm
hi. im hoob. but you can call me boob. coolash does. this is a night of firsts for me. first time live blogging. first time at the sd. its a big night. we're probably going to benson after this and words cannot express the excitement i feel. 9-5 just came back with our first shot. rumplemintz. yep. its gonna be one of those nights. hang on....just took it, yum. but intense. 9-5 said "that just hurt something inside me" truer words have never been spoken girl. gonna go talk to my muchacha. be back later. homegirl out.
5:57pm
A great woman once said "the world's worst invention: alarm clocks. The best? Post-its."
NOT TRUE. The best invention is air conditioning. and I wish the SD would realize this and CRANK THAT SHIT.
Hoob is talking about her Benson plans: Get wasted, stay at Jen's, stumble to Leo's - with many inapro-pro conversations, touching, and actions inbetween. Its only Benson, says Hoobie, if these things occur. "Im a whole different person in Benson - I'm a whole different person. Something comes over me...." She is so passionate about Benson I just suggestion she make a commercials.
woops - lied about a bow tie. Hoobs cousin is lurking - does she go say hello? he is NOT wearing a bow tie. Anyone want to come to the SD and drink coffee and take pictures of each other? WHOS IN?!?!?
Jager = Jager like mick -- says Hoob's mom.
Did any of Hoobie's friends sleep with the sound guy? we just don't know... why is it he looks familiar? It must be the v neck white tee and hipster hair. Where is his scarf.
We aren't sure Jen is committed to drinking anymore. While we worry of alcholism, we also worry about a lack of alcoholism. Where is the happy medium? Why must she make everything so fucking difficult? I say we have her do some stripes later....meet you in the SD bathroom in 20 mins. You bring the stripes, we'll bring the 6 foot blonde. You can take her for the night and we'll meet you at 9 at Leo's. We aren't kidding. We don't joke about stripes, nazis or MJ -- at least today.
6:04pm
J and Mobers just walked in. Here is Jen:
MASTER P walked in with a red seqiuins tank on in honor of MJ. its beyond inspiring .
6:14pm
What looks better than a bumble bee yellow v-neck t-shirt paired with a gold diamond pendant necklace and black cord choker? Few things do, that is what. It is quiet as a library in here. And that is making me uncomfortable. Love - Moe.
6:16 pm
The worst thing I have ever seen is a bumble bee tee and a black biker choker. It is hideous. Who the fuck wears that? Seriously...someone physically attack the person wearing this and take the choker off. Thank you. Love Jen.
6:18 pm
People are whispering. Master P, Hoob and K-Dog. That is all.
6:19pm
Is 9 to 5 still sweating? YES.
6:20pm
its the necklace. its gotta go.
6:23pm
mober takes the black choker off for 2.5 seconds and everybody oohhhsss and aawwss over how cute her outfit WOULD look if she kept it off. 6
6:24pmjen
she puts black choker back on
6:25pm
hoob is on her way to getting polluted. still hasnt said hello to cousin. now its just become something ridiculous and i feel as though i should keep this up. 9-5 is talking in her jen journal voice. i love 9-5.
6:27pm
jen brings back whiskey drink #2. THANK GOD.
6:28pm
mobers necklace gets caught in her bun. red flag.
6:33pm
JP misses Ging and is freaking about the fact that she used to wear mobers clothes. It is funny.
6:36pm
Jen loves to borrow my clothes. All of them, and who can blame her? 9 to 5 made a MJ lives on forever mix and I can't wait to hear it. Nachos? Pizza? What to do? Why are chips and salsa the answer to all of life's problems?
I love portabella mushrooms. They are delicious! Mattress Factory has a great PM burger...indulge in it sometime!
So as everyone knows (or may not know)...I am now in my new home. It is nice. Much better than I originally thought it would turn out. The move was...dramatic. Here is why...first my brother could only move at 8 am on a Saturday morning. Which sucked because I couldn't ask my friends to wake up at 8 am to help me move on a Saturday. So it was once again me and the family moving it all together. A slight comment is made about when I am going to have a boyfriend who has friends to help me move and so one which eats at me. At 8 am my dad and brother go to Benson and attempt to move my red couch up the stairs. It doesn't fit. I ask my dad, "Will my bed fit?" He responds with an enthusiastic, "Yes!" They measured my bed when I first was considering the move so I thought, "They must have measured it. So we are probably good." My mom, sister and I load our cars. My brother and dad leave the couch on the front lawn and head to my house to grab my furniture. At 9:30 am my family and I drive to Benson. Our cars, packed. Our attitude, good.
I arrive in Benson 4 cop cars are blocking off my street and I can't get to my new home. When they finally let me through I find my sister loading my stuff into my house and a red couch on my front lawn. WT..."Welcome to Benson!" I ask her what's going on with the cops and she says, "Not sure. Let's get this done." My parents show. They ask her, "What's going on with the cops?" She says, "Not sure but I saw some guy riding away from the post office on a bike with a back pack on." My dad says, "You were the eye witness to a crime go talk to the cops." With in five minutes of me living in Benson, a man robbed the Post office 2 houses up. A federal offense. Which resulted in twelve cop cars and a bomb squad. My whole neighborhood was out on their front lawns watching it unfold.
Meanwhile, we are moving me in. My bed doesn't fit and I proceed to throw a tantrum like a two year old, except I used the word FUCK and I used it a lot. I said, "Fucking figure this out Dad." My neighbors saw this. But you all must know. My bed is my sanctuary and my parents know this. After back surgery it is the only thing that helped. So they get the mattress up the stairs and we buy a split bed spring. I finally feel okay. We move everything in and it is a totally mess. I'm exhausted and have to clean the old apartment. My dad tells 9 to 5, "She is going to need to drink tonight!"
Sunday we unpack more and plant a garden it starts to feel like home. I've wanted a garden for a long time and my ma and Lil' Bit bought me plants for a house warming gift. We plant all day. I name the plants. I am so sore. I finally get some time to myself to eat dinner and I see a wild turkey walking in my back yard. I name him, Tom, and then yell at him like an old lady worried that he is going to eat my garden. He flies away. I love him.
The apartment is really cute and I'm finally getting settled in and I think it will really feel like home. Plus, I've saged the apartment. Did it when I first moved in. So all bad spirits and bad things that happened there before will pass and peace will return. Phew! Soon I will throw a little get together to welcome everyone to my new home.
Welcome to Benson! You always have a couch to stay on.
Will I have to RSVP to a wedding as, Ms/Miss Jen Agnew...Number attending -- 1!?!?
Jesus. This is rough and I am getting bitter! Not of the people getting married. Just of the whole institution of marriage.
Ugh.
I never hang up on someone! I tend to just not answer the phone in the first place. Not because I don't want to. Just because I always have my phone on vibrate. And seriously...no matter how bad the conversation gets I do not hang up on someone. I did it once to my first love, KTK, and I will never do it again!
Point Three:
I went through a short period in my life when I was in a couple of short films. I was lucky enough to work with a group called H-Minus on a movie. Check out their website here -- http://www.h-minus.com/oneofmykind2.htm.
Point Two -- If I never had to use a public restroom again I think it would solve some of my anxiety issues!
Just saying.
Since a blog is supposed to help you understand the person who is writing it more...maybe...
There may or may not be something you know about me. You may or may not know my entire history. You may not know much about me. You may think of me as a completely different person than I really am. You may just like to watch all the weird things I tend to do. You may not even know who I am. But there are a few things you should know. So we will start off small and go from there. Sound okay? Okay :)
I have always, by nature, been a dramatic person. Even when I try to avoid it...the drama creeps in. I can't help it. I have always been this way. This is such an intense part of my life that I even got a degree in Theatre because the drama inside of me needed to be released. Recently, I have put acting in the backseat and I am trying to find new ways to harbor my drama without letting it creep into my personal life...this never works by the by...my personal life loves drama.
I do like to get rid of the drama by watching dramas on TV and pretending that I am one of the characters. Or finding characters that are like me. I really like to do this to the show Grey's Anatomy. I never can decide if I am Izzie Stephens or Meredith Grey. Both are a lot like me.
Recently, I have begun to re-watch Grey's. This has put me into a depressed stupor. I need to stop acting like I am in this show. Below is a song that I listen to and pretend I am Izzie Stephens and that I have lost my sweet Denny. Where is my sweet Denny? He is so hot! Seriously why don't men in Omaha, Nebraska look like that.
I've also posted a link below to a classic Grey's video that I have watched over and over. The main reason I have re-watched this so many times is because at one point in my life I literally gave almost an identical speech to a man that I wanted more than anything in the whole world. So I went for it. It didn't quite work out. But that is okay. Hey...it wasn't meant to be.
Point One -- I'm dramatic.
"Where I Stood"
I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none
There were sounds in my head
LIttle voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening
'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside
'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do
